Random Rants and Rambling #16 ~ Confession Session (1)

» 20 May, 2014 » Vent central » 16 comments

Random rants

This time for my Random Rants post, things are getting a little bit more personal.

So, I am going to BEA. That’s right, y’all. I AM GOING….. But I almost didn’t.

I have seen (as I’m sure you have too) TONS of posts about BEA. Whether they are about what to expect, tips, how to’s, and most anticipated posts. This isn’t one of those posts. This post is personal. I wasn’t going to do a post about it, but with THINGS that have happened as of late, I wanted to LET IT GO.



I had this master plan about how things were suppose to go. What I was going to do and see and all that blah blah blah. Of course, I couldn’t actually plan everything out right away, since the author lists and such haven’t been out that long. I guess I just had certain expectations on how things should/would go, and I wanted to place everything in this pretty box and call it good.

Sadly, this was stupid. And I was wrong. Because, things change.

Things have changed significantly since my plans started 8(ish?)+ months ago. Hell, even since buying my plane ticket, things have changed. Some good, some bad and some, eye-opening… But the gist was, I started freaking out and I almost backed out entirely. There are several different reasons, mind you, but the main one was because I am was scared.

I wouldn’t call myself shy, but I get nervous/scared around people I don’t know. I am usually fine around people, I don’t have panic attacks or anything, but I get really quiet and clam up around a LOT of people. I like what and WHO I am familiar with. It’s always awkward for me meet new people, say hi and/or to jump into conversation because, I often embarrass myself or seem rude. This happens. A lot. People that know ME would tell you I am not shy. But it takes me awhile to really open up. Plus, if you add in my fear of getting lost? YEAH.

In any case, I had this epiphany one day. Why was I letting my social awkwardness rule? Why am I so afraid of meeting people? Who cares if my expectations were unrealistic, and who cares that I will be out of my comfort zone 90% of time? I mean, I CAN’T NOT GO. I can’t let my fears rule. This is an amazing thing for me to do, go out to city I’ve never been (NEW FREAKIN YORK), surround myself with one of the things I am most passionate about and – bites nails – meet new people. However scary it is, I NEED this.

There have been a few people who have really brought me out of my shell and ironically, a few of them I hadn’t talked to on a regular basis. Until now. They have also welcomed me with open arms and have embraced the weird. I then told Jessica (Lovin los Libros), to PUSH ME. To push me out of my comfort zone. To help me show everyone just how awesome I REALLY AM. (Okay, I didn’t actually say THAT but it sounds good LOL)

So, my excitement is back and I am READY. Well, I haven’t packed, my schedule isn’t done and I STILL haven’t made my budget, BUT I AM READY.




If you see me, come say hi, introduce yourself. And if I am too quiet, shake me and say, “SNAP OUT OF IT! YOU GOT THIS TONYA!”

Until then….


That leaves us to discuss –

How do you handle situations with a lot of people? What about those you don’t know well?

Are you shy or outgoing?

Are YOU going to BEA?

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Tonyalee is an avid reader, coffee junkie, junk food addicted workaholic and blogger. Be sure to follow on Twitter for random shenanigans.
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16 responses to “Random Rants and Rambling #16 ~ Confession Session (1)

  1. CeCe

    Tonya!!! We are going to have so much fun together! Our group of girls is amazeballs and there is no way we will have anything but tons of fun. I cannot wait to meet you!!! and hang out and get ALL the books! I’m not the most outgoing person, but the past five years or so of working has helped me cover up my awkward feelings and “look the part”. If at any point next week, you are feeling weird, come find me and we can hang and have fun times. I am happy to have you with me all week and get to know you better. xoxo
    CeCe recently posted…Top Ten Books About FriendshipMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      I know! But there were things going on and I just didn’t… I don’t know. lol

      I am almost two different people. One when I am with people i know and the one I am when I’m not. I mean, I’ve always been awkward around people I don’t know, but my co workers have pointed it out how much I shrink away LOL

      Thanks Cece! 🙂 xoxo

  2. Candace

    Sounds like we are a lot the same. I know that I would FREAK OUT about going to BEA. I also clam up around new people. One thing I’ve learned from attending book events is that even if I have just one person I know with me I’m WAY better. I have a hard time speaking up when I’m alone but if there are familiar people around me I can speak up to strangers and authors better. When I went to ALA I started out with one blogger who I love but it was clear that we were on two different levels as far as pace of the event. I was needing more breaks and didn’t care about being there for EVERY drop. I then found my friend Sara and it went perfect. We took breaks, we chatted with people we found and we just did it more relaxed. I still came home with over 200 books so obviously I didn’t miss much! So my advice is to try to find someone to hang with and if it doesn’t work out maybe find someone else. There will be a lot of bloggers so you’ll find your ‘people’ and just have fun! I’m jealous you get to go. I’ve wanted to go to NYC my WHOLE LIFE. One day…
    Candace recently posted…Middle Grade Review: Charmed Life #1: Caitlin’s Lucky Charm by Lisa SchroederMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      Exactly. Having one person I know will help. The thing is, there are different things we all want to do, and I was terrified about that LOL

      But in the same token, I want to meet other people. Not only other bloggers, but I need to network and that is scary.

      I wish you were going! :/ maybe next year!?

  3. Chrissi Reads

    Have fun at BEA Tonya. It’s a dream for me one day. I do hope to go, but I will probably go with people I know (my blogging sister and one of my best friends that blogs) I would never go on my own. New York is a long way for me (I’m in the UK) and I suffer from anxiety, so I totally need someone there that knows me. Good luck with it all, and I can’t wait to read about your experiences.
    Chrissi Reads recently posted…Top Ten Books About FriendshipMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      Thank you!

      I hope you get to come one year. I wouldn’t go alone either, so I don’t blame you there 🙂

  4. Michelle (Pink Polka Dot Book Blog)

    I’m going to BEA and I’m slightly terrified. I’m not the best planner, so I’m scared I’m not doing everything right and either I’m not going to make it to my hotel… or I’m not going to be prepared to go to everything I want to go to. I was just in NYC a few weeks ago for the first time and it was MUCH better than I was expecting. Not as hectic, not as crazy as I thought it would be. But still super intimidating. But I went with a group of people who had their stuff together and I was able to just go along with the flow without thinking so much. When I go for BEA, I’m going to have to be responsible (at least somewhat). I’m really scared I’m going to get lost… and I’m really scared no one will like me. But I’m determined to have a good time!! Hopefully I will see you there. I’m sure everything will be great for you. It sounds like you are going with a really cool group and that’s like 99% of the battle!!
    Michelle (Pink Polka Dot Book Blog) recently posted…Top Ten Tuesday- Friendship BooksMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      I am pretty organized but everything was pretty overwhelming so I just said SCREW IT and I am going to wing it. I am there for books, and to meet people and network, so I don’t want to drive myself crazy with this schedule that wont go smoothly and stress me out. And I am okay with that (NOW anyway)

      I am scared to get lost too! This is why I planned out my arrival and departure with another blogger, who has been to BEA, so she can lead the way lol

      I am scared people wont like me too. :/ We will have to talk before going so we can try and make plans to meet up somewhere!

  5. Chelsea @ Starbucks & Books Obsession

    Girl! We are going to have so much fun! I know exactly what you mean, sometimes I am a little shy when I first meet new people and I let it get in the way of doing things. I’ve been working really hard on getting over that too. One thing I do know is how awesome all of you girls are and I know that meeting in person is going to be even better! Can’t wait to see you next Wednesday!! <3

  6. kimbacaffeinate

    I am not a crowd person, I like smaller groups and tend to hold back, unless you know me. Friends tell me I am snarky and hilarious..but IDK. I prefer to be at home. I think it is fantastic you are doing this and pushing yourself. i have a feeling once you surround yourself with bookish peeps you will be fine.
    kimbacaffeinate recently posted…Sunday Post #109 – Memorial Day WeekendMy Profile

  7. Grace

    I’m shy as well. When I went to BEA in 2012, it took me a while to get over my social awkwardness and start talking to people. Once I did, I didn’t regret it. Everyone there is so excited about books, and it’s amazing to meet so many similar-minded people, because I just don’t get that in my daily life.

    My advice for big conferences/events is to make sure to give yourself a little bit of introvert down time over the course of the week, whether it’s a bit of time at the hotel to debrief or a half hour at a coffee shop. For me at least, it helps to know that I can step away if I start getting overwhelmed.
    Grace recently posted…Incoming: BEA 2014My Profile

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