This time for my Random Rants post, things are getting a little bit more personal.
So, I am going to BEA. That’s right, y’all. I AM GOING….. But I almost didn’t.
I have seen (as I’m sure you have too) TONS of posts about BEA. Whether they are about what to expect, tips, how to’s, and most anticipated posts. This isn’t one of those posts. This post is personal. I wasn’t going to do a post about it, but with THINGS that have happened as of late, I wanted to LET IT GO.
I had this master plan about how things were suppose to go. What I was going to do and see and all that blah blah blah. Of course, I couldn’t actually plan everything out right away, since the author lists and such haven’t been out that long. I guess I just had certain expectations on how things should/would go, and I wanted to place everything in this pretty box and call it good.
Sadly, this was stupid. And I was wrong. Because, things change.
Things have changed significantly since my plans started 8(ish?)+ months ago. Hell, even since buying my plane ticket, things have changed. Some good, some bad and some, eye-opening… But the gist was, I started freaking out and I almost backed out entirely. There are several different reasons, mind you, but the main one was because I
am was scared.
I wouldn’t call myself shy, but I get nervous/scared around people I don’t know. I am usually fine around people, I don’t have panic attacks or anything, but I get really quiet and clam up around a LOT of people. I like what and WHO I am familiar with. It’s always awkward for me meet new people, say hi and/or to jump into conversation because, I often embarrass myself or seem rude. This happens. A lot. People that know ME would tell you I am not shy. But it takes me awhile to really open up. Plus, if you add in my fear of getting lost? YEAH.
In any case, I had this epiphany one day. Why was I letting my social awkwardness rule? Why am I so afraid of meeting people? Who cares if my expectations were unrealistic, and who cares that I will be out of my comfort zone 90% of time? I mean, I CAN’T NOT GO. I can’t let my fears rule. This is an amazing thing for me to do, go out to city I’ve never been (NEW FREAKIN YORK), surround myself with one of the things I am most passionate about and – bites nails – meet new people. However scary it is, I NEED this.
There have been a few people who have really brought me out of my shell and ironically, a few of them I hadn’t talked to on a regular basis. Until now. They have also welcomed me with open arms and have embraced the weird. I then told Jessica (Lovin los Libros), to PUSH ME. To push me out of my comfort zone. To help me show everyone just how awesome I REALLY AM. (Okay, I didn’t actually say THAT but it sounds good LOL)
So, my excitement is back and I am READY. Well, I haven’t packed, my schedule isn’t done and I STILL haven’t made my budget, BUT I AM READY.
If you see me, come say hi, introduce yourself. And if I am too quiet, shake me and say, “SNAP OUT OF IT! YOU GOT THIS TONYA!”
That leaves us to discuss –
How do you handle situations with a lot of people? What about those you don’t know well?
Are you shy or outgoing?
Are YOU going to BEA?