Let’s Talk: Blogger to Blogger // Insecurities + Musing & Honest Thoughts

» 9 June, 2016 » Blogger to Blogger » 38 comments

Insecurities as a blogger

Let’s Talk: Blogger to Blogger is a discussion feature that is aimed and dedicated to bloggers. In which we discuss and debate topics from around the blogging community and inspire others.

For a full list of topics, visit the archive. If you have a topic for discussion let me know!

Discuss. Debate. Inspire.

Hello, Follow Bloggers (and readers!)

I feel like I’m in a conversational mood but can’t decide what to talk about. HOWEVER… since I’m in this odd time right now in my life and sharing personal things, I thought I’d share some of my insecurities as a blogger and some random musings over the course of the years of blogging. Not all of these are current, but maybe something I thought about years ago. Some, are current, though.

*In no particular order + randomness

When it comes to followers & comments and my blog & content:

I feel like there is something I’m not doing to keep people coming to my blog. And it bothers me when my visits go down. Or people stop commenting. I feel like I have to be active EVERYDAY, ALL DAY to feel significant. When I lose followers, I feel like I did something wrong. I don’t like feeling obligated to do anything.

discouraged

I worked hard on it. Or, if it’s a book review, I feel like I’m doing the author a disservice and they’ll regret working with me. But OMG, what if the author reads my review?? Is my blog easy to navigate? What if people hate my design? Are my graphics good enough? Should I say this? What if I offend someone? Not another blog tour! What will my readers think?

Reading and Books:

recommending

It really bothers me when people dislike books I love. If it becomes a trend, I stop recommending books. I’m always worried people will judge me for what I read, even though I don’t care what they think (it’s a confusing emotion). I feel there is pressure from the community to love a certain book and/or author and thus, don’t read it because what if I don’t like it? What book buying ban!? 

In the Community:

community

Not everyone will like each other, and that’s okay, but man, if someone doesn’t follow me or talk to me, I feel left out. I often feel what’s popular and well loved, isn’t ME, and that hinders my development and growth. If there’s a blog post/comment/tweet about something a something doesn’t like, that I do, I feel like they’re talking to ME and I should change it. ARC envy: The struggle is real. I’m hesitant to speak my mind because Everything is made into A THING. Why can’t we just agree to disagree? 

Related: Drama

Other:

I love going to events but don’t know what to say to introduce myself to other bloggers. Or authors. Am I good enough? DId I spell that right? (don’t judge, this happens all the time.) Did I make the right decision?

Let’s Talk

  • Do you share any of the same random thoughts or insecurities as me? 
  • Share some of your insecure thoughts in the comments! (If you want, no pressure!)

Never miss a discussion!

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*Post linked to 2016 Discussion Challenge

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tonyalee

Tonyalee is an avid reader, coffee junkie, junk food addicted workaholic and blogger. Be sure to follow on Twitter for random shenanigans.
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38 responses to “Let’s Talk: Blogger to Blogger // Insecurities + Musing & Honest Thoughts

  1. Joy // Joyousreads

    I used to feel the same way about comments, but then I realized that in this community, you need to give some to get some. So yes, I work hard to read my Bloglovin’ feeds everyday even though I don’t do a blog post on a daily basis. This way, they don’t forget about me. They see me reading their posts and commenting. And I know it’s so disheartening to see my post look so unloved because no one commented, but I also try to remember why I started a blog to begin with: IT’S MINE, and it’s for me. I started writing it because I want an outlet for my thoughts on books.

    I’ve been blogging for close to 5 years now and I’ve only realized the importance of this back and forth. I know it’s hard work, but that’s really how I established a relationship with everyone. As for social media, I feel the same way on Twitter. I feel like I’m in a house party sulking in a corner because I don’t know anyone.

    • tonyalee

      See, I go back and forth on the comment debate. I understand the need to get out in the community to get yourself known. Make friends, connections, etc. But. If I am slammed with real life THINGS and can’t get around in the community, I feel it’s punch in the gut when people won’t visit because “I didn’t visit them” not everyone is like that, I know but, some are. Anyway, a topic for another day!

      Yeah, I’m at 3 years and I still battle with myself. A lot of these insecurities I’ve dealt with and moved on, but since I’m in such a weird place I feel the need to purge it all, ya know?

  2. Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews

    I completely get what you mean, Tonyalee! I have kind of grown out of the thing where I felt personally pointed at if someone tweets about something they don’t like and I do it… If I do it, it’s because i like it, and since it’s my blog, that’s really what’s important. Which brings me to another point I’ve kind of just stopped caring about, and that’s visits and comments. Some weeks, I get a lot of visits and comments, other weeks not. And I think sometimes, it has to do with my own visits and comments on other blogs. Some weeks, I just don’t have time to visit all the blogs I love visiting, and I think that may bring some people to not really come visit me afterwards.
    And you are completely right about our community being so vast and so small at the same time. It’s almost scary sometimes.
    Great discussion points!! xoxo
    Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews recently posted…Thirsty Thursday and Hungry Hearts #69 – RelativityMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      I don’t often feel singled out like that anymore – BUT I have had conversations where my words are passively thrown in my face (no joke) so I think there is a line somewhere, when people are being TOO passive, especially now since so many feel like they can’t say anything ya know? It’s a complicated issue right now.

      I don’t care too much about visits and comments. I mean sure, I care enough to notice if there’s a HUGE decline and I want to grow my blog. But I don’t think I take it TOO personal anymore if they DO go down. But for the longest time, I did.

      As for the community, I could tell you some stories about how small it is! It blows my mind

      • Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews

        Oh, if someone kind of threw my own words in my face, that would definitely have an impact on me! That is very passive-aggressive in my opinion. I hope that issue will get sorted out for you, it sounds exhausting.

        I would notice if there was a huge decline, too, but I wouldn’t feel down about it like I did when I first started blogging, thank goodness.

        Have a fantastic Friday, Tonyalee 🙂
        Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews recently posted…Up Close and (un)Conventional – Classroom ReadsMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      I’ve thought about that! How being an author kind of puts you in a different boat, even though you ARE a blogger too!

  3. Angel @Angel Reads

    I really liked this post, a lot. I feel the same with quite a few of these. When it comes to follows most of the time I am okay, until I see people who have blogged for less than me. It’s kind of disheartening.
    Yes to blog posts! Sometimes I write discussions or reviews that I love and then it gets nothing and I just sit there like :/
    And yes to when people don’t follow or that you have left out. It’s hard sometimes, I just to interact but sometimes it just doesn’t work and it’s again disheartening.

    Thanks for this post.
    Angel @Angel Reads recently posted…Book Review: The Leaving by Tara AltebrandoMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      I’m glad you like it! I’m glad you were able to connect in some way, even a little 🙂 which is why I did this post, to show others that hey, you aren’t alone. It’s difficult sometimes NOT letting things get to us ya know? We are human, after all. (I hope!)

      I’ve seen some blogs that have more followers than me blogging for HALF the time and I’m in AWE! It’s crazy! But good crazy.

  4. Laura

    I can relate to pretty much everything you’ve said in this post! I’m coming up for my second blogoversary, and I really don’t feel like I’ve got to where I want to be in terms of followers and stats. In fact, I seem to have stalled at a certain level, and it makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong when other blogs seem to be growing so much faster, some of them that have been around for a lot less time than me. It makes me feel kind of petty to feel like that, but I think that probably more people than you would think do too.
    Great post! You’ve put into words a lot of the things I’ve been feeling lately, and I’m sure there’s lots of other bloggers out there who feel the same too.
    Laura recently posted…Review: Daughter of the Forest by Juliet MarillierMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      Looking at goals and stats, especially right at a milestone, can put some things into light. I think we as individuals should define our success based on goals, and not other blogs, but it’s HARD. I think even the most confident bloggers sometimes feel insecure. But. I don’t think you do anything “wrong”! And it’s okay to wonder what other bloggers are doing for their success. Even the most popular businesses do it! It’s natural (IMO).

      I’m glad you were able to see that you aren’t alone in some of these insecurities. It helps to find others and connect and learn on each other and grow. 🙂

  5. Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

    I think we all have these insecurities, and the fact is that they don’t seem to go away when your blog gets to some certain sweet spot. I get a decent number of pageviews and comments, but I still sometimes end up thinking, “Why can’t I get more? How does so-and-so manage to get a hundred comments per post? How does this other so-and-so get hundreds more hits a day than me?” It’s like no matter how well you do, you’re always noticing the blog that’s doing it better. It could be a sickness if you let it! I try hard to ignore stats and such and just enjoy my blog and my readers. But I’m not gonna lie – I sometimes fail. Oh, and the events thing – TOTALLY feel awkward introducing myself and always feel like I make a fool of myself or something! Sigh.
    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction recently posted…Winging It by Cate Cameron – ReviewMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      I think on some level, yeah we all do. But it can change based on our success. 100 comments per post are amazing. But, I don’t have the time dedicated to that ya know? I just don’t. And the consensus is, you need to visit or people stop coming back. Yeah, you have loyal followers (YOU!) but people do stop coming around.

      I do try not to let it get to me. I think lately, though, with Bookstagram getting huge so fast and trends and my little whatever is going on in my life, it’s all coming out.

  6. Zoey @ Uncreatively Zoey

    Gosh, I FEEL THIS POST SO HARD. I have so much trouble in that I am constantly comparing myself to others. I never feel creative enough or that I’m posting enough and then when practically no one reads my posts I get so discouraged like, why am I even here? I envy people who are so comfortable and confident with their blogs and their friend groups.
    Zoey @ Uncreatively Zoey recently posted…Discussion: Blogger Faux PasMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      I think everyone, at some point, compares themselves to others. We are all here for the same thing: to talk books and make friends.

      I’m confident in my group of friends. I have found the best people in my life. If you wanna chat, find me anytime!!! 🙂

  7. Eva @ All Books Considered

    Great post! It definitely sucks when your posts don’t get a lot of visits and even less comments — I am in the same boat! I honestly don’t think it’s you or anything you are doing or not doing. I feel like these things go in waves and traffic is down because of the start of summer. And I am so with you re: recommending books — I always get nervous, it is so hard to recommend books! But, you can only go with what you think about a book and that may or may not be the same for others. ♥
    Eva @ All Books Considered recently posted…Conversations With Myself (& Hopefully You): Interactions With AuthorsMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      It can be disheartening for sure! Even though I’m sure there are many different reasons. I agree, it does come in waves!

      Recommending books is sometimes scary! LOL

  8. Rhianna

    Interestingly, as I was reading these they didn’t sound at all like blogging insecurities so much as social insecurities that are magnified by trying to run a blog. Blogging can be like attending the world’s biggest high school. There are cliques and unwritten rules, social hierarchies and ever changing trends. It’s downright tedious to even think about trying to keep up. What has worked for me is the silliest thing—I decided right away that my blog was for me and the minute I started worrying about what anyone else thought of it I was closing it. And it has been the best choice I could have made.

    That said though, even I get ARC envy and have moments when I look at my lack of visits and cringe… and I’ve been at this for almost 8 years now! I think they’re very natural feelings.

    Where I find myself feeling more insecure is trying to push out into the social media side of being a blogger. I so often want to jump into twitter convos but worry I’d be butting in rudely or I really want to post a pic from what I’m currently reading on insta but I mostly read on an iPad so it’s kinda boring looking. lol

    For events my best advice is to remember that pretty much 9/10 attendees feels the same way. I went to RT for the first time this year and I had a few awkward fangirl moments (Julie Kagawa! *Muppet flail*) but also many were freaking worth coming out of my shy shell for (OMG Katie McGarry is so freaking friendly and cool!). I even had a few authors fangirl over ME. It was surreal and a total ego booster. Oh and don’t hesitate to buddy up to the unpublished authors! I met a few who I think are going to be big names someday and I can’t wait to be able to say I met them when they were “in the womb” so-to-speak. hehe

    • tonyalee

      Oh, I totally agree. I think a lot of what I said (how I feel) has been magnified by the things going on in my personal life, and since I am in a sharing mood… There are some things mentioned that I USED to be worried about but not anymore (like, an author reading my post) and others that I never did before, and do now (making the right decision about closing my other blog). I think we all feel insecure at least once, with something, and my goal was to share my thoughts and insecurities, fleeting or not, with others so THEY KNOW they aren’t alone.

      Social media has ALWAYS been a hard one for me. Like you mentioned, I always feel like jumping in a conversation can come off a certain way. I find myself doing fine at events EVENTUALLY. But not at first! LOL

      Thanks for sharing!

  9. Valerie

    Yeah, I feel like I’m always competing with myself when it comes to blog stats, but Joy is right in this case where usually you get more comments when you comment on other blogs. And I’m fine with doing that, because as of now I have all the time in the world. But I’m just way too tired to go out of my way to discover new blogs and comment there. I feel like I have a great group of blogs I already follow, and that’s fine with me (plus they have great posts, like this one!).

    Twitter is also..okay. I’m not the one to tweet things about what’s happening in my life (unless it’s huge). But I do like talking to other people, but again only if it’s people I really know. So sometimes I butt into conversations, but other times I don’t. I like to think of it as if they’re tweeting it, then you’re allowed to join into the convo because why not. It’s out there in the public. It can’t hurt (hopefully). (Unless it does because like you said, I feel like we’re all walking on eggshells here, afraid to stir up drama). When it comes to something like that, I’ve just learned to stay quiet and talk about it to other people privately. Sometimes it really is just better that way.

    I feel like there are so many contradictory unspoken rules in our community. People say “You do you”, but you can’t. You can’t blog without being extra careful about your tone (which makes no sense because tone is something you can only infer through speech), or how you word things. You can post hauls, but make sure you’re not too braggy about them. But then you can’t have ARC envy (but then you can because it’s human nature?) You have to read every ARC you request (not that anyone is keeping track of what ARCs you have, so I don’t know why this is a thing). Everything is just so contradictory that it’s just…I don’t even know….tiring I suppose.

    And this turned into a really long comment! Whoops! There wasn’t really an end point to this comment! Just the fact that I feel your frustration through your post, and all I can say is me too.
    Valerie recently posted…Review: The Marked GirlMy Profile

    • Valerie

      ANOTHER COMMENT: You are a wonderful person and definitely good enough (no question there!). I love all your posts, your reviews, and your discussions. And I am sure that authors and other bloggers will love you too! So yes introduce yourself 🙂
      Valerie recently posted…Review: The Marked GirlMy Profile

    • tonyalee

      I think commenting on other blogs is fine and dandy, but again, disheartening when I just can’t for a week or so and people just… leave. It’s not that I don’t want to return comments, or visit you, I just don’t have time right now. Doesn’t mean I won’t visit when I get my shit together LOL

      I go back and forth on twitter. I’m very open, so I pretty much just say whatever it is going on, ya know? But I’m not as active as I used to be. That’s for sure. I’m finding I like being on Facebook groups, which is odd because I hate facebook. But yes, I feel like Twitter is 90% one viewed conversations. It’s okay to jump in if you agree, but if not? NOPE.

      I agree, I don’t think you can just “Do You” because whether or not you blog for yourself or to share books, or promote, people will read it. There are times I feel some are too braggy, but it’s their personality. I think it’s okay to have a little competition, or even some negative feelings because we aren’t ALL a huge happy bunch ALL the time. I think that facade creates TOO much tension. But I digress.

      I’m glad you see what I’m trying to say and can relate! I think finding, and connecting, with those that feel insecure and lost can help. We can lean on each other and support one another. And just knowing you aren’t alone, is huge.

  10. Jordon @ Simply Adrift

    I know what you mean when you say you feel like you have to be active everyday, all day. I feel the same! When I am too busy with work and get home exhausted so I don’t go on the blog to reply to comments or to visit other blogs etc, I feel like my views and comments on my blog go way down. As if people aren’t actually choosing to visit my blog, instead they’re visiting because I left a comment on their blog :/ It’s really demotivating sometimes!

    Awesome post! I can definitely get what you’re saying with all of those points. I’m such a new blog that I feel like sometimes it’s hard to get into the community that already exists…

    Jordon @ Simply Adrift
    Jordon @ Simply Adrift recently posted…Hyped up books everyone loves – but meMy Profile

  11. Grace @ Rebel Mommy Book Blog

    Yup I feel this way or have felt this way for sure. I know especially with the comments/page views and traffic. I shouldn’t care but I do. I try so hard to get out and comment a ton but sometimes you know life. And man do I see a difference when I can’t comment. It totally stinks but it is what it is. Also so agree with you on recommending books. I totally freak out about that. Especially when it is a book I loved but I can see a lot of people not loving if that makes sense. I do feel hurt when people don’t like them even though I know it is perfectly fine. ARC envy is so a thing and I get it sometimes. But not in a I’m mad way more in a Aww shucks I would have loved to get that ya know?? Anyway great post and I feel ya!
    Grace @ Rebel Mommy Book Blog recently posted…Blog Tour, Review & Giveaway ~ One True LovesMy Profile

  12. Simone

    I constatly feel insecure about blogging especially since I’m newbie in the blogosphere. But my biggest insecurity is my English because it’s not my mother language and even though I’ve been studying it for 14 years I’m still insecure about my grammar and expressions. 🙂
    Simone recently posted…Bookish ConfessionsMy Profile

  13. Trish @ Between My Lines

    I struggle with the comments thing too. I know when I comment loads , I get loads of comments but lately I’ve had zero time to comment and I feel like I lost nearly everyone. Now I realise that we all struggle for time and that’s probably a lot of the reason why people don’t visit but it I hate when I feel like my blog has become irrelevant.
    The other thing I struggle with is my writing. I really really want to be a better writer as it just doesn’t ever seem to flow for me and I see amazing reviews and discussions out there and I want to be able to do that too. I would love to do a writing class but back to the time thing again, sigh!
    Trish @ Between My Lines recently posted…Book Review: The Boy Most Likely To by Huntley FitzpatrickMy Profile

  14. Got My Book

    I wrote a post about this (my blogging fears) last month. I am so new that I have tons of insecurities; currently, the majority of them revolve around my low pageviews and the fact that I don’t really know what I am doing on social media. Thankfully everyone is very supportive so far.

    And please feel free to come to my blog and totally disagree with me (as long as you aren’t nasty about it). If you don’t like a book I like, feel free to share why. I actually like that, then people can get a more well rounded view and decided for themselves if they want to read it. I think that takes the pressure off of me having said it was good.
    Got My Book recently posted…text: I do a Lot of Blog Visiting then my Site Goes Down | Sunday Summary #6My Profile

  15. Shannon @ It Starts At Midnight

    Yes, so much of this sums me up. The thing that is the worst for me is when you *think* you have made some progress and actually start to breathe just a little… only for everything to kind of crash and burn. I read the comments, and you are SO right about the commenting thing. Of course interaction is great, and I LOVE commenting, but it is also time consuming. And when I realized that I couldn’t drive myself insane, and occasionally took a break? My stats PLUMMETED. After I got back from BEA… well, I cried. And I am still really, really sad. I felt like what I worked my ass off to achieve went right to hell in a few short days. Even now, things are a mess. And then when you suddenly lose contacts and the contacts’ replacements aren’t interested in you… GAH it sucks. I am at about an all time blogging insecurity high right now. Worse than when I was a newbie because at least I could say “well, I’m just a newbie, I’ll get there!”, because now it’s like “well, I made progress, but apparently I fundamentally suck because now it is gone in the blink of an eye”. It’s like you cannot EVER take a minute off, or you become irrelevant. (Not YOU, the plural “you” haha) and it is really really hard to deal with.

    As for disagreements, I totally get why you feel that way. People can be MEAN. I had a friend go through some really awful stuff recently over her opinion about a book- and the most ridiculous part was, she didn’t even say anything BAD- she just didn’t like some things! And people tore her apart. I hope that when (not even if, let’s be honest) the time comes for me to have to deal with it, I can handle it with a bit of “I do not care what you think”, but I’m human, and I know my feelings would be hurt, no matter how much I wouldn’t want them to.

    I feel like we should have a new theme in blogging: Everyone calm down. And that could just apply to literally EVERYTHING. It’ll be the new “bloggers commenting back” 😂
    Shannon @ It Starts At Midnight recently posted…Review: 100 Days of Cake by Shari GoldhagenMy Profile

  16. Tasya

    I try not too think too much about stats and comments, but I have to admit, when no one comments on my post, or the views isn’t as much as I hope, it really disheartened me. I mean, I work really hard for it, and it feels like noone likes it😢 It pressures me sometimes to make really unique content.
    Tasya recently posted…Book Review: Vicious by V.E SchwabMy Profile

  17. Tessa

    I have like ten billion insecurities about blogging. I have been blogging for over four years, yet the same things haunt me over and over again. I am constantly worried if my blog design is good enough and pretty enough. If my writing is funny and interesting enough. If I communicate with other bloggers and readers enough. Like you and many other bloggers, I wonder if I am even good enough to have a blog.
    Most of all, I worry if I am reaching enough people. I have never been what I consider a “big blogger” and my numbers are never as high as I would like them to be.
    But at the end of the day, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I am blogging because I love to read and write. I am not blogging for the ARCs or to have the most followers. I am blogging because I want to meet other awesome book nerds and spread my love of literature.
    Tessa recently posted…Paranormal and Urban Fantasy Spoltight + GiveawayMy Profile

  18. Zoey

    I feel *exactly* the same about most of the things you mentioned. Especially about how you feel you have to be active every single minute.
    Most of the times, especially recently, I feel like everyone will just… leave me and my blog. I have been so busy lately, hardly had any time to blog, and I even lost a few followers.
    I’m by no means a “popular” blogger, but I love my small group of blogger friends, and recently I feel like I’m letting everyone – and myself – down.
    I want to be better. I want to post better. I want to… I don’t know.

    In a way, I’m happy to know I’m not the only one having those insecurities.
    I’m pretty sure most bloggers have them. They just, like us, hide it well.
    Zoey recently posted…Most Anticipated Books of November 2016My Profile

    • tonyalee

      No you are not alone! I think we all have some insecurities as a blogger. I actually, haven’t posted much in the last two months and have for sure seen a change in stats but that’s okay!

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